Category Archives: Blog

Book events are the best events.


Had a great time last night at @misterkristoff & @amiekaufmanauthor’s signing in Miami! They were absolutely wonderful, and I highly recommend taking the time to meet them if they come to your area. ?

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Times are hard and getting worse.


When in doubt, support amazing people and diverse stories and creative art.

Books pictured:

  • Dead Girls Society by Michelle Krys  | AmazonB&N
  • The Sun is Also a Star by Nicola Yoon  | AmazonB&N
  • We Were Liars by E. Lockhart  | AmazonB&N
  • Last Seen Leaving by Caleb Roehrig  | AmazonB&N
  • Boy Robot by Simon Curtis | AmazonB&N
  • Updraft by Fran Wilde | AmazonB&N
  • When the Moon was Ours by Anna-Marie McLemore | AmazonB&N
  • Still Life with Tornado by A.S. King  | AmazonB&N
  • Tattoo Atlas by Tim Floreen | AmazonB&N
  • Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo  | AmazonB&N

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Coming soon: A cover reveal!


The cover reveal for #IslandOfExiles is TOMORROW! ?

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The Friday Five – October 28

THE FRIDAY FIVE

I’ve skipped a while because I’m bad at remembering, but that’s a shame because the last month and a half has been filled with lovely things. So this week, I’m doing a Friday Fifteen to catch up on some of the wonderful people and events I have to be thankful for.

  1. Getting to road trip from Utah to Florida with Cait Greer in September! It was a marathon push across the country filled with too much fast food and too many altitude headaches, but we got to stop in Tallahassee to see some great friends and at the end of the trip my bestie moved in with me. Definitely a win!
  2. My new agent, Eric Smith, has awesome taste in entertainment. He assigned me homework because of a soon-to-come WIP, and because of that I found a new fandom: The Expanse.
  3. HOLY HELL THE EXPANSE. It’s amazing. I love it. I’ve watched season one so many times already I’ve lost count, and I’m on book 2 of the series even though I do NOT have the time for reading anything I didn’t write. It’s become my new favorite. You all need to watch and read and enjoy.
  4. I attended GRL (Gay Romance Lit) Retreat for the first time! I got to hang out with amazing people like Anna Zabo, Elyse Springer, Amelia Vaughn, EJ Russel, Avon Gale, and Carrie Pack.
  5. I finished final proofs on Assassins: Nemesis! THAT MEANS IT’S DONE! And it’ll only be a couple of months until you guys get to read it.
  6. Also in Nemesis news, the first few chapters went up on Riptide’s site! That means they’re also up on my site’s page for the book. You can meet Blake!
  7. I mentioned Cait Greer moved in, right? But I haven’t mentioned her cooking yet. She cooks! Which is amazing. I love food, and I intensely dislike cooking. I’m utterly and immensely grateful she’s willing to feed me as long as I clean everything up afterward.
  8. My new #TeamRocks friends. It’s amazing how wonderful my agents other clients are, and I’m so thankful I get to be part of the community they’ve created. One day I sincerely hope we get to hang out in person!
  9. Entangled Teen. I can’t go into why, but wow. They’ve been AMAZING. They listened to me, took what I said seriously, and acted on it. I am so happy to be working with such a dedicated, supportive team. Hopefully, I get to keep working with them for a long time yet.
  10. My editor at Entangled, Kate Brauning. She’s been SO patient with me this year as I got further and further behind schedule (because I am awesome at overloading myself while simultaneously underestimating how long each project is going to take). And her notes for Ryogan Chronicles 2 are making this book SO GOOD.
  11. Edits. Oddly, I’m so grateful for edits. For being able to do them and for the wonderful notes I have to help guide me, and for how much better this book is becoming as I work on it. I wasn’t sure about the first draft, but I’m beginning to love the second version of the story.
  12. Ace Awareness week! I love that this is a thing, and I’m really happy I learned about it early enough to write a new essay I’ve been meaning to add to the site.
  13. Giveaways! I wish I could do more of them, but the one I have running now is BIG. And it includes a copy of Island of Exiles, which I’ve never given away before! SO MUCH FUN!
  14. Speaking of Island of Exiles, I saw the final cover and WOW DO I LOVE IT OMFG IT IS SO PRETTY AND YOU GET TO SEE IT SOON WHAT?! 😀 Pay attention Monday morning. It’s gonna start popping up all over the freaking place!
  15. Winter in Florida is never exactly what one would call winter, but this year it’s cooled off earlier than usual. We’ve had almost a week of low humidity and decent temperatures, and that makes me very happy.

I could keep going, but I’ll leave more for later. Next week, hopefully. <3

Identity, spectrums, and labels

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Even after I discovered the asexual spectrum in 2014, it took me over a year and a half to call myself asexual. I changed my identifiers at least three times in that period, and each change was one notch further from the point where the asexual and allosexual spectrums meet.

I have incredibly mixed feelings about labels. As an author and a lover of books, I believe words have power, and I believe finding a word to describe you—or simply some small aspect of you—can be a life-changing moment.

Labels can help us clarify our own thoughts, they can validate our feelings and/or experiences, and they help us find others like us. However, labels tend to be seen as rigid, fixed, either/or definitions of a person. According to the wider consensus, you’re this or that, but rarely both. Labels come with sets of expectations, stigmas, and qualifications, and it’s these plus the seeming rigidity of it all, that makes accepting a label—even an accurate one—a struggle sometimes.

Which is exactly what happened to me.

As I’ve mentioned several other places, I was married. It ended for a lot of reasons, but a major factor was our sexualities. I didn’t have the language I needed to have this conversation with him at the time, but I’m almost certain my ex-husband was about as far on the libido and sexuality spectrums as he could be from me. Bi-hypersexual if I had to guess. Being found sexually attractive and desirable by his partner (i.e. me) was crucial to his happiness. I loved him, but I didn’t want him. Or anyone. Not naked and in bed.

Despite knowing I’d never even been sexually attracted to the man I married—and did love; for a while, at least—when I placed myself on the ace spectrum several years later, I still chose heteromantic and demisexual as my identifiers. They felt safer. More “normal.” It was as though all I needed was to meet “the right person” and then I’d be able have a “normal” relationship one day. I wasn’t admitting it to myself, but there was a strong fear of deviating too far from social expectations, and so I picked the identity closest to what everyone else seemed to experience and told myself it was right.

But it wasn’t.

Like a healing wound or a loose tooth, I couldn’t stop poking at the label. Slowly, I accepted the difference between romantic and sexual attraction, and I admitted the truth of my feelings for my ex to myself: I’d loved him once, but I’d wanted to jump his bones never. The times I did initiate sexual intimacy were about an emotional pull—or the emotional blackmail he was fond of using.

Graysexual, then. Maybe I was heteromantic graysexual. It still left the door open for “normal” one day, even if I couldn’t begin to guess what random set of circumstances would have to occur for me to finally and suddenly feel sexual desire for the first time.

Still, I couldn’t stop poking. I thought back on my life and honestly looked at my history with crushes and attraction and romance.

In elementary school, everyone carried around Teen Beat to pour over. They crushed hard on Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Devon Sawa. I barely knew who these people were and stared in utter confusion as another girl in my class repeatedly kissed a picture of JTT. Why? What was the point?

Through elementary and the end of middle school, I knew people had crushes, so I said I did too, but mine never felt the way they talked about theirs. Watching people kiss in movies made me uncomfortable to the point of squirmy. Sex scenes? I closed my eyes until they ended. There were no posters of bands or celebrities on my walls. I didn’t fantasize about kissing the boy I liked during recess, I just wanted someone to like me best. When someone did make it clear they liked me, though, I had no idea how to react or what to do. I became awkward and panicky until they went away.

I started dating in high school, but every relationship I had was because of someone else’s persistence. Especially the one with my future ex-husband. I discovered cuddling with someone I liked was phenomenal. Kissing was pretty great. Beyond that? Everything was only okay. I didn’t mind it, but I never wanted it. Never.

Finally, more than a year and a half after first discovering the term, I claimed asexual.

It’s not an easy label to claim in a society with such harsh double standards for sex. Especially for women. We’re not supposed to be sexually independent or promiscuous, but when a person expresses interest in us sexually, we’re expected to respond. Enthusiastically. To not want sex (of any type) at all? It’s seen as more deviant and unnatural than almost any kink or fetish I have ever heard of. Asexuality is dismissed as a nonexistent orientation. It’s seen as a smokescreen for past trauma and lingering fear. It’s laughed off as religious fundamentalism. It’s treated with cloying concern and proof of some kind medical or psychological problem that can be fixed. And needs to be fixed.

I knew all of this, which is why it took me so long to espouse the label most suited for my identity. I knew claiming asexual would come with all of these judgments and social expectations, and it took me a long time to be ready for that. Because we view labels (and not solely ones for orientation) as fixed, defining points of focus, they’re often the first thing to fall back on when describing someone, so claiming a label often means accepting the culture and ideology surrounding it. Or accepting the constant battle against them.

For me, identifying as asexual meant stepping up to protest the dismissal and misperception of the orientation. I use the stories I create and the characters I populate them with. I use the essays I write. I use the panels I have the chance to speak on. I educate and spread awareness of the truth—or, rather, of the idea that there is no “truth.” All there can be is experience in its infinite variety, and all we share are moments of overlap where we can look at someone else with wide eyes and say “You too?”

There’s no one way someone is as an asexual, and there’s no one path to embracing the label. Mine was long and had a lot of stops and wrong turns. Others might be able to jump in and immediately attach to the term closest to their heart. The point is how important it is for the community at large to allow for this exploration.

As we become more educated and aware of how different our experiences and perceptions of the world can be, giving each other safe spaces to work through their identities and figure out their brains is crucial. What I hope initiatives like Ace Awareness Week will do is give people the language they need to have this conversation—either with themselves or their family and community—and allow them the space they need to set aside the expectations of the label and look at its core. That’s where the comfort lies, and that’s where the rest of us who’ve already made this journey are waiting to welcome them.

 


In honor of Ace Awareness Week, I’m hosting a giveaway!

Entries are simple, and you can enter daily. To win the grand prize, you must live in the US, however, both second and third prize are open internationally. The caveat for international winners is these books won’t be signed; I’ll be ordering them through Book Depository or sending you an ebook through Amazon.

Another note? This is the FIRST time I’ve ever given away one of my incredibly limited paper ARCs of Island of Exiles! Very few of these printed copies exist, so enter to win a signed, limited edition copy of my upcoming fantasy novel.

To enter, check out the form below! One of the entries is to leave a comment on this post answering a question: When and how did you first hear learn about asexuality?

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Did you know Kansas City has a WWI museum?

Got to swing through the National WWI Museum and Memorial with @amergina & @ElyseSpringer! It was a hike to get up to the museum, but the exhibits and artifacts are fascinating.

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Assassin-worthy swag!


If I sign a book for you at #GRL16, you get a bullet pendant! So go visit the Riptide Books booth and then come see me. ?

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Come see me at GRL!


I may be low on swag, but my table at #GRL16 is definitely colorful. ?

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I’m signing tomorrow…


My book is up on the Riptide table! I’m signing tomorrow morning, and I have special swag for everyone who buys a copy and comes to the signing!

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Hello, Kansas City!


This is where I am for the next few days! I’ve never been before, but it looks like it should be a ton of fun!

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