Dinner with Momma and the baby sister tonight! The baby is moving out soon! We’ll miss her. ?
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Dinner with Momma and the baby sister tonight!
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Category Archives: Random
Say hello to my new favorite shirt!
Also, say hello to my new favorite shirt!!
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I start the last leg of my 2015 road trip today! After a brief…
I start the last leg of my 2015 road trip today! After a brief stop in Tallahassee, I’ll be back in Fort Lauderdale for the indefinite future. I’ll miss the freedom of a new state every few days!
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Because I was just talking to amirosebooks about it, this is a…
Because I was just talking to amirosebooks about it, this is a map I made in college for a fantasy world. I taped like six or so pieces of graph paper together and started drawing. Then I color coded where I thought the country border lines would be. Then I decided that having it only on paper wasn’t enough. So I scanned it into my computer and traced the entire thing in Photoshop. The color coded version you see at the bottom is like eight layers of different things so I can turn them on and off and get a different view of the whole landscape.
I honestly don’t even know how many hours of my life I poured in to this thing. The book I originally drew the map for? I never finished it. I did go back to this world last year, though, adding another group of people and a war that I might one day be able to tie in to that other concept I had once upon a time.
Even if I never publish anything in this world, though? I fucking LOVE this map.
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Something funny for your Saturday!
Every once in a while I consider deleting Facebook. It’s annoying and time consuming and just ugh. But then I stumble across something that makes me giggle and I say, “Nevermind! Worth it!”
I found the post below on Facebook this morning and had to share. The best part, the book they’re talking about is real! I think I’m going to go buy it now. If you want to, click here: Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History
These are from a book called Disorder in the Court and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________
And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
A Very Merry Unbirthday To YOU!
I swear I had something quasi important I wanted to post today… but for the life of me I can’t remember what it was! So, instead, I wish you all a very merry unbirthday! And also bring you another one of my posts brought to you by Cracked.com. Go read these articles! I enjoyed them:
There you go. Enjoy your weekend!
Oh, Friday.
Today has been the day of EPIC TECHNOLOGY FAILS at my day job. Seriously. It’s been a little insane. So the post I was going to write is out the window. HOWEVER, I thought I would share one of the insanely weird news stories that come out of this state I currently inhabit. Hopefully it baffles you just as much as it does me. Enjoy.
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| Photo credit: Lawrence Gray/Orlando Sentinel via corvetteblogger.com |
Postal Service Begs Floridians To ‘Please Stop Crashing Into Post Offices’Âby Benjamin Preston
Even the U.S. Postal Service thinks Floridians are bonkers. This year alone, there have been eight completely unrelated incidents where someone crashed a car into a post office. But that statistic only covers Central Florida. The rest of the state is another story.
In response, the Postal Service recently released a public service announcement with handy tips on how not to crash into a post office.
Insert Bugs Bunny gif… now.
WWSB7 reported that the tip sheet includes friendly reminders to “Avoid distracted driving; Proceed slowly and carefully when pulling in, and backing out, of parking spaces; Visibly check to see whether your foot is on the gas pedal or the brake pedal,” as well as “Visibly check to see if the vehicle is in Park, Reverse or Drive.”
Of course, it doesn’t help that 4 million of the Sunshine State’s 15 million drivers are over the age of 60 (and one might argue based upon the regularity of wacky news headlines emanating from down that way that a solid third of the rest exhibit signs of genetic dysfunction and/or methamphetamine fanaticism). Elderly drivers, while they tend to be more careful behind the wheel than most of the rest of us, often have a tough time turning in their keys when it’s time to stop driving.
Most of the accidents in Central Florida happened because drivers stepped on their cars’ accelerator pedals instead of hitting the brakes. But there was one who said she saw something falling out of the sky and drove into a post office lobby to get out of the way. It’s good to know that there are people who answer to a higher power. (Hat tip to Grant!)
Imagination: The Best Part Is It’s Limitless
As medical and psychological science has advanced, our species has convinced ourselves that we understand our own bodies and the working of our own minds. This is a huge lie. We understand nothing. We have theories–some of which are almost plausible–but in the end that’s all they are. Theories. Creativity, inspiration, and imagination are just a few of the aspects of our thought processes that scientists study without ever understanding.
Take this story, for example. What do you see when you look at a pile of cardboard boxes? Cardboard boxes, right? Maybe the makings of a playhouse or a cheap sled. Do you see an arcade? Probably not. I wouldn’t either, but Caine did.
Caine is a little boy who lives in Southern California. He took empty boxes from his dad’s auto repair shop and built his own arcade complete with prize wall. For $1 you can get two turns. For $2 you get a Fun Pass with 500 turns. Most people buy the Fun Pass. One visitor to this inventive playland writes:
Caine dreamed of the day he would have lots of customers visit his arcade, and he spent months preparing everything, perfecting the game design, making displays for the prizes, designing elaborate security systems, and hand labeling paper-lunch-gift-bags. However, his dad’s autoparts store (located in an industrial part of East LA) gets almost zero foot traffic, so Caine’s chances of getting a customer were very small, and the few walk in customers that came through were always in too much of a hurry to get their auto part to play Caine’s Arcade. But Caine never gave up.
 I’m showing this off for a few reasons:
A) This kid is so adorable! And what a story! His determination and obvious intelligence has inspired a lot of people and earned him a college scholarship before he’s even left elementary school. The world needs more kids like Caine.
B) This is a perfect example of unexpected ideas taking hold and the amazing ways creativity can manifest itself. It also goes to show you that even ideas that seem improbable and outlandish can make for terrific stories. If you ever have one of those ideas for part of your story, hold onto it. Even if it doesn’t fit in the project you’re working on, it might work somewhere and be exactly what you need.
C) Caine had a dream and he went after it with everything he had. Not only did he reach his goal, he went further than he ever could have imagined. Everyone reaching for the dream of publication can learn from his example. All it takes is finding the right person at the right time to help make your dream come true.
D) Just because. 😉
One of Caine’s supporters made this video about his arcade. Watch it and if you have the extra money, donate to Caine’s college fund!
Caine’s Arcade from Nirvan Mullick on Vimeo.Books: How Old Books Become New Art
Fiction–well, good fiction–is timeless. People don’t mind being transported back and forth through time when they pick up a novel. Non-fiction… well, it’s not quite so easy. Especially for books like medical books, encyclopedias, and atlases. There are thousands of these now dated books in the world serving no purpose anymore unless you’re a researcher looking to see how misguided people were on a particular topic however many years ago. Useless. Or, they used to be until Brian Dettmer got his hands on them.
I stumbled across the genius that is Brian Dettmer when a friend of mine posted a link to this article on Facebook. They explain that Brian takes outdated and “useless” illustrated reference books and turns them into amazing works of art using only sealants, tweazers, knives, and surgical tools. The artist himself has this to say about his work:
In this work I begin with an existing book and seal its edges, creating an enclosed vessel full of unearthed potential. I cut into the surface of the book and dissect through it from the front. I work with knives, tweezers and surgical tools to carve one page at a time, exposing each layer while cutting around ideas and images of interest. Nothing inside the books is relocated or implanted, only removed. Images and ideas are revealed to expose alternate histories and memories. My work is a collaboration with the existing material and its past creators and the completed pieces expose new relationships of the book’s internal elements exactly where they have been since their original conception.
 The beauty of the finished products is astonishing. It’s innovative, creative, and absolutely incredible. I want his work displayed all over my house just so I can stare at it and try to figure out how in the world he was able to process information this way.
Poems: You Probably Won’t Ever Find This In An Anthology, But…
Oh. My. Goodness. I was going through some of my grandfather’s things this weekend and found a letter written on the back of a typed poem. The letter was dated in 1945 while my grandfather was still serving in the Army, but when I started reading the poem I bust out laughing. For some reason my grandpa held onto this for more than fifty years! WTH?! 😀
Just, um, as a warning, the poem isn’t explicit, but it’s implicitly explicit… FYI for my few younger readers and those who don’t care for such things.Â
Hope you’re as amused by this as I was!
Book of the Month – Author Unknown
Suzzanne was a lady
with plenty of class
who knocked them all dead
when she wiggled her
Eyes at the fellows
as girls sometimes do
to make it quite plain
that she wanted to
Take in a movie
or go for a sail
and hurry home
for a piece of
Cake or ice cream
And a slice of roast duck
and after each mealÂ
she was ready to
Go for a ride
or a stroll on the dock
with any young man
with a sizable
Roll of big bills
and a pretty big front
and if he talked fast
she would show him her
Little pet dog
who was subject to fits
and maybe she’d let him
take hold of her
Little white hands
with a movement so quick
why she’d reach right out
and tickle his
Chin while she showed him
a trick learned in France
and asked the poor fellow
to take off his
Coat while she sang
off the Mandalay shore
for whatever she was
Suzanne was a bore.